I love you

It toke me a couple of days to admit to my self that i have broken the boundaries and love this man , now i had no clue how to tell him , I knew he didn't love me , and I knew he didn't want me to love him , but yet i couldn't not tell him , we were in his room laying on bed talking , i was nervous and couldn't say it out loud , i leaned forward to him , and whispered in his ears , " I love you " , he laughed a very short laugh , and then said " I know   , and thank you " , he then added " i love you too , but not in that way , i just love spending time with you and i care about you , i love going out having fun , i love being together here sexually , i like to call you and text you , in that way  " . I  felt so sad i wanted to cry , i faked a smile that he saw right through and he said " i'm sorry , don't be mad " i assured him that i was fine , i cried a lot that night at home i was sad for the following couple of days .

We met again after tow days and sat down in the car to talk , i explained that the way he reacted made me sad , but that i knew what i feel isn't fair to him and that we had a deal that i broke , we argued back and forth a lot but at the end i decided that i loved him too much to make him feel sad or guilty about this , i decided never to say i love you to him again , and to wait until things go back to the way they were with no awkwardness , I went home sad also , there was a pain knowing that he doesn't love me , doesn't want to love me and doesn't want my love , that he planned on leaving me at some point , i learned to live with the pain , and try to live in the moment without thinking too much of what's to come , that was the only way i could still be with him , and i couldn't leave the man i loved wile he still wanted to be with me .